Fruit of praying St. Thomas' Prayer for Ordering a Life Wisely

So, I had this wonderful grace today. As I looked around seeing all that needs to be done, which usually overwhelms me, I realized something. Paradoxically, I think it's the fruit of praying St. Thomas Aquinas' prayer for ordering a life wisely. It's a paradox because my life feels very far from ordered right now. But God revealed to me that He loves me and is pouring out His grace on all of us right in the middle, and really through our messy life (in a physical and spiritual sense). When I looked around, suddenly all of this:

-legos built and unbuilt (not fun to step on)
-A pile of toy nerf guns confiscated yesterday on which I stubbed my toe really bad in the dark this morning (ouch!)
-dust (lots and lots of it)
-a hot wheels race car set at the bottom of the stairs (why there?)
-train set somewhere, or so I've heard
-dirty kleenex (I know! gross, it's not me)
-food on the floor (we don't have a dog, working on Chris in this matter)
-dirty (and also clean, unfolded) laundry taking over (literally overflowing)
-piles of papers with printed out prayers/articles I like
-prayer books
-piles of kids' school projects, homework, forms that need to be filled out
-childrens' books on the nightstands, on the floors, on the beds, on the counters, on the stairs (not fun to slip on), on the kitchen counters
-my books in all the same places as the childrens' books
-unsent Christmas cards that I didn't have an address for (I give up on this one)
-unsent school pictures (working on that one too!)
-dirty dishes
-coats, blankets, socks, shoes, mittens, etc...
-Christmas tree still up
-Nativity sets still out
-Superhero birthday decorations still hanging up
-Pink flower birthday decorations still hanging up
-wonderful school books laying around haphazardly in the living room that when used teach God's beauty in all parts of our life and studies
-a violin with music scattered around
-a very dusty piano that needs tuning
-unmade beds
-and much much more believe it or not

made me realize something beautiful. My messy life, and that of my family, is the evidence that there are 7 beautiful souls living in this house, learning to love God and each other, and that despite the fact that it feels and looks so "disordered", it is in fact ordered. Ordered to the love of God, the love He has for each one of us, and the love we have for Him.

Thank You Jesus! Amen.

Enter into Life

I'll be honest with you.  Things are falling apart over here.  Big time.  And after staying up all night with my sick baby, it may not be the best time to make a big decision, or it may be the best time to make this decision.  In the early hours of the morning when I could do nothing but take care of Michael and think without a screen in front of my face, I spent some time pondering about how I spend my time during the day.  In some ways, it seems as though I'm really living out my vocation, but in reality, I am avoiding it every chance I get with needless distractions and a desire to "fit in".  But the problem is that I will never fit in anywhere but the Heart of God.  As St. Augustine says, "Our hearts are restless O Lord, until they rest in You."  He is out there in each one of you and I have had the privilege of meeting some wonderful people online.  For that I am so thankful and trust that God put certain people in my life for a reason.

Yesterday, I read a post at Vultus Christi, where Father Kirby wrote a letter to a novice Oblate (married with children) about how she, as a wife and mother, can enter into the their charism of Adoration and Reparation.  Here is how Father Kirby began his letter:

My dear daughter in Christ,


Praying at Home
Recently, you asked me how you, as wife and mother, with children to look after from morning 'til night seven days a week, can enter into our monastery's charism of adoration and reparation. It will be many years, I think, before you will have the freedom to spend any significant amount of time in adoration before the Tabernacle, or before the Most Blessed Sacrament exposed in the monstrance.


Your Divine Office
Your duty now, and the expression of your love for God, is to be fully present to your family. Your "Divine Office" is to cook, and clean, and change dirty diapers, and run errands, and keep the littlest ones amused, and find time to listen to the older children, and to bandage cuts, and look after bruises, and welcome guests -- and every now and then -- to steal a moment or two alone with your husband. Is this incompatible with your desire as an Oblate of our monastery to offer yourself to Our Lord in adoration, in reparation, and in supplication for the holiness of priests?

... Read more here.

This letter makes me weep in both joy and sadness.  I know God is calling me to enter fully into the life He has given me, and I trust that the relationships which God wants me to nurture are right here around me in my own living room, those with my husband and my children.  God has blessed me with a few really close friends and many acquaintances to encourage me and hopefully in some small ways I can encourage them as well.

This morning in my email inbox was an article from Matthew Warner at Fallible Blogma, "What's Your Idle?"  Well, my idle has been checking email, checking in on social media, reading blogs, writing blog posts and reading political news.  My husband is very generous in giving me the time I need to go to weekly Adoration of Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament, to attend daily Mass at least once or twice a week, and to go out with friends just for some down time.  But it is the daily idle time that has me falling apart.  And, like Matthew, I am going to change what I do with that idle time.  Here is a 40 second prayer that Father Kirby included in his letter to his daughter in Christ:

A 40 Second Prayer
Here is a prayer that I wrote for this purpose. It takes exactly 40 seconds to say. Over time, it can be memorized. Use it to mark the beginning of your hour of adoration and reparation and, then, go about your business, trusting that Our Lord has heard your prayer and received it into His Heart.

Lord Jesus Christ, although I cannot, during this hour, approach Thee physically in the Sacrament of Thy Love, I would approach Thee by desire and by faith.

Transport me, I beseech Thee, by the lifting up of my mind and heart, to that tabernacle in the world where Thou art, at this hour, most forsaken, utterly forgotten, and without human company.

Let the radiance of Thy Eucharistic Face so penetrate my soul that by offering Thee adoration and reparation, even as I am busy doing ordinary things in an ordinary way, I may obtain from Thy Sacred Heart the return of at least one priest to the Tabernacle where Thou waitest for him today. Amen.

I offer all of this to Your Sacred Heart, my Lord and my Love, through the intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, my Mother.

Studiositas versus Curiositas

I read an excellent post over at Catholic Spiritual Direction called "Is curiosity bad? I seem to have an appetite for information about all things...." Father Bartunek writes:

Learning involves all the good things that you describe above. We cannot love what we do not know. Studying God’s creation can help us know God better, just as studying the works of an artist can help know an artist better, and by knowing God better we can love him better – which is the purpose of our existence. Our intelligence is meant for this, in fact. That’s why the Christian spiritual tradition catalogues studiositas as a virtue – the virtue of study, of applying our minds to studying and learning, so that we can grow in knowledge and understanding of the world, ourselves, and God.

and

But like every power of the human soul, this capacity to learn can be de-formed. Instead of applying ourselves to develop the virtue of study, we can fall into the vice of curiositas, or curiosity. In the Christian spiritual tradition, this word, like studiositas, has a technical meaning. The vice of curiosity refers to the superficial gathering of information, the thirst to imbibe the latest headline or rumor just because it’s new. Curiosity stops where learning begins. It’s like the butterfly that flits from flower to flower without gathering any nectar, whereas the bee will settle into a flower and drink up, taking time to gather all that the flower has to offer.

Ever since jumping into the online world (back in 2006 when I was on bed rest with our 3rd), I have had to fight the battle of spending too much time online. Before that, I viewed the computer as a tool I used at work, but spending time at a computer screen was never something I wanted to do with my free time. I checked email periodically and that was about it.

Image Credit:

Association of Catholic Women Bloggers

It is interesting that right before this is when I really started to experience an exponential growth in my faith and formation in the Catholic Church. I began researching the teachings of the Church through reading books, attending prayer groups, Bible studies, anywhere I could go to learn more about Christ and His Church. It is a wonderful thing to be so in love with Christ and want to know more about Him! And I still have that desire and am so thankful that God has given it to me.

But like with all desires, our unchecked human appetites can become vices (I type this as I eat chocolate chips since we have no other chocolate in the house....hmmm). Another good point that Fr. Bartunek makes in his post is the following:

On the other hand, it [knowledge] also can keep us distracted. In this case, the thirst to have new experiences and develop new areas of expertise is inordinate, out of proportion to our mission in life. The enjoyment of acquiring new knowledge, which is legitimate in itself, becomes so all-consuming that the duties of one’s state in life are neglected.

This is exactly what my struggle is right now with intellectual curiosity, it too often becomes inordinate and then I neglect the duties of my state in life. What seems to be a good thing becomes a vice. I need God's grace to keep this desire within His will. Pray for me.

Interestingly enough, right now as I am typing this, my daughter brought the mail in, and in it is a book I just ordered, No Greater Love, by Mother Teresa. It isn't supposed to be a used book, but thumbing through it, I noticed several sentences were underlined. Here is a sentence that was underlined:

Words that do not give the light of Christ increase the darkness.

So not only do I need to watch the amount of time I spend online, but also discern what I am reading online. Thank you Mother Teresa!

I'm excited now to go start reading this book! After I get the laundry put away and dinner started, of course ;)

Pray for us, Blessed Mother Teresa!

Do go read all of Father Bartunek's post at Catholic Spiritual Direction. And go check out Association of Catholic Women Bloggers at:

Back to the Rule

Thank you for your prayers. Last night I went to spend time with my Lord in Adoration, and I stayed for longer than I had planned. It was so wonderful to spend time in His presence. I started by praying for Jesus to remain with me using St. Pio's prayer Stay With Me and listened to His words as he taught me how to adore Him with Remain Close to Me, a prayer posted by Fr. Mark at Vultus Christi. Fr. Mark has a wonderful post today, Live in us as Thou livest in the Sacred Host. Here is a part of what Fr. Mark says, although you will want to read the entire post:

Far from being a baroque adornment detracting from some mythical primitive Benedictine sobriety, Eucharistic adoration is the wellspring of the holiness that Saint Benedict describes in his Rule.

Eucharistic Adoration is the school of hiddenness,
-- of silence,
-- of solitude,
-- of humility,
-- of obedience,
-- of servanthood,
-- of an abiding love that calls no attention to itself,
-- of ceaseless prayer to the Father,
-- of the Work of God,
-- of compassion for sinners,
-- of burning love for souls,
-- of gentleness towards the weak,
-- of Divine Hospitality,
-- of monastic perfection.

This morning I awoke and rather than go right to breakfast, feeding Michael, getting on the computer, etc.... I said morning prayer for the first time in months! Pray for me as I get back to a Mother's rule of life. It will take some time to figure out our new normal with the blessing of Michael among us, but I can begin again with the prayer part of our rule. It is amazing how we neglect that which we need most in times of change in our lives. Pray for us to get back to the basics of our prayer life and to not abandon it so easily next time life gets crazy, which will probably be today or tomorrow around here ;)

To remain consistent in prayer, this I believe will help me to learn how to live as a daughter of God. And then, living as a daughter loved and taught by God, I will be able to be a better wife and mother and serve Him with my whole heart as I live out my vocation.

Thank You Lord for this privilege and grace! And thank You Lord for loving me as your daughter even when I fall. Mary, I give you my will, conform it to the will of your Son. Father, I pray through Your Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ, Amen.