Back to serious heartfelt posting. I think that I am better at that. Hopefully anyway. If not, I guess at a minimum it helps me to sort through this mess I have in my heart and mind.
Through this move, I have realized how much I have been relying on my surroundings to make me feel safe. The last time we moved, 11 years ago, we had been married for just over one year, we had no children yet, and hardly any stuff. It was an exciting time, buying our first house, with endless possibilities ahead. I felt so carefree and in love and ready for anything. Even though uncertainty was ahead, I felt strong and able to navigate anything. After all, look at all that I had come through in my life. I admit at that time I was not particularly searching for any type of relationship with God, just sort of going through the motions and continuing to live in the darkness of self will.
Well, 11 years later, things are completely different, and God is healing the broken heart that I had denied for so long. I am so sentimental because I am afraid to lose myself, my loved ones, and the stability that I have so carefully tried to protect. This move does not seem so exciting because truthfully, even though I have been actively seeking God's will and truly giving my heart to Him, what I have not done yet is to open myself up completely to receive Him fully into my heart. That requires tearing down all the protective walls that keep danger out. He always gives Himself to me completely, but I only allow so much of His grace in and then go back to finding the safe way again.
And so this move is teaching me that even though He has healed so much in my life, there is still more to heal. I am so thankful for Jesus coming to us through the Sacraments. He has worked miracles in my life through living the sacramental life of the Church. God has given us this beautiful treasure that is worth eternally more than the temporal things surrounding us. When we see Him in all that is around us, then it really does not matter if things of this world seem to be falling apart. He never changes, He always Loves, and Love never fails. And He gives us, as messed up as we are, Himself, the Eternal, through the healing power of Confession and the eternal nourishment of His Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity. Thank You God, for all Priests, who give their lives to bring us the Sacraments. Thank You for giving us Yourself through Mary our Mother. Thank You Mary for your Yes. Thank You Jesus for giving Your Life to save us, to heal us, to reconcile us to Our Father in Heaven. Help me to give myself to You like Martha, but only after choosing the better part and receiving You like Mary her beloved sister. I love You. In Your Holy Name I pray, Amen.
My husband is not Catholic. He's a wonderful man though. Sometimes I just want to shout from the roof tops how awesome the Sacraments are. He doesn't disagree...the Holy Spirit just hasn't led him to them yet. I wait patiently and pray quietly. He was raised southern baptist. He's a southern gentleman and a wonderful christian. Amen!
ReplyDelete@Style Attic... How wonderful that your husband was raised as a Southern Baptist. I believe that the Holy Spirit is pouring out graces in so many ways and many people are coming to the fullness of the Catholic Church from evangelical backgrounds. I was not really raised with any particular faith background, although my mother's side of the family was more Southern Baptist, and my father's side of the family Catholic. When I was a child, neither were practicing, but I did go to vacation bible school with my great grandma in Texas and still have the seeds of God's love planted in my heart at that time. I did go to a Catholic school for a few years and remember not being able to go to Communion when we all went to mass together. I believe that was the beginning of a longing to be a part of God's family, although I didn't really realize it at that time. I was baptized in the First Christian Church in Tennessee when I was 19 and became Catholic when I was 25. It wasn't until nearly 7 years later that I really began to search out the truth and discovered it in Catholic teachings (I would say that before this I was pretty much just going through the motions and not really understanding what was going on). After my sister nearly lost her life around that time and we had our first child, God gave me a hunger for His Word and healing. This eventually led both my husband and I each to a retreat (men's one weekend, women's the next) in 2005. Ever since then, we cannot learn enough about our Catholic faith. What a treasure! This desire to learn more took me from doubting the Real Presence of Jesus in the Eucharist to a miraculous transformation in my heart. I experienced true healing in confession and in His drawing me to Him in Eucharistic Adoration. I asked Him to help my unbelief and did He ever! Thank you Jesus! It took a long time for me to find the truth even though it was always there before me, but I am so thankful for God's patience, gentleness and faithfulness in opening my eyes and heart to His Presence and Love. I am also thankful for my husband's love, patience, prayers and quiet guidance. God knows what we need and He will give it to us when we are ready for it. Keep praying, your husband will seek the Truth and find it. God is good.
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