To Know, Love, and Serve

A few days ago, I posted about what Holy Mass means to me. I should have realized not to post about reverence at Mass when my husband was going to be out of town and I would be going to Mass with the four little "angels" by myself. But alas, I did, and well the whole experience became a teaching moment, not for them, but for me. They actually did pretty good.

Except for our 2 year old, who while trying to climb my back saying "pi bak! pi bak!" (piggy back ride! piggy back ride!) would not let our 4 year old sit in my lap. And then there was this, right around consecration time, she started saying really REALLY loud "penk ma bot! penk ma bot!". Now at first I had no idea what she was saying at all and kept asking her nicely to please sit quietly, when I figured out that she was saying "spank my butt!" which if you know our family, as imperfect as we are, butt is not a nice word and we are usually not allowed to say that word, so we try to use the word bottom instead. There may be other things we allow that other families don't and vice versa, but this is just one of those words that I don't like too much, so that's how it's supposed to be at our house.

Anyway, while I was praying reverently, this is what she was saying, and I was trying not to let my embarrassment overcome my reverence and focus on Him. And trying not to shoot angry looks at our 4 year old who was looking quite smug over there with a mischievous smile (he must have been the one who told her to say it). And it hit me that I remembered how I said that I wanted to be at Holy Mass every waking moment, and realized that what I meant to say was that I desire to be at Holy Mass without misbehaving kids. But the truth is that is not where God has called me to be, at least not all the time. As much as I may lament this, I have not been called to a fully contemplative vocation, although this is a beautiful way to know, love, and serve our Lord. And possibly those called to a fully contemplative vocation may at times lament not being physically out in the world, but they know in their heart they are where God has called them and this is what brings the most glory to God and joy in their own life.

So my vocation as a wife and mother is where God has called me, and in my heart I know that this is how my life can bring the most glory to God and how He will provide joy in my own life, even in the midst of suffering and frustration. As hard as it may be sometimes, I would not want it any other way. I am thankful that God has given me the desire to be at Holy Mass, and the desire to be with Him in Eucharistic Adoration, and the desire to follow Him in Eucharistic Procession. These all provide nourishment, courage, strength, and perseverance to follow Him into my vocation, into the joy He has planned for me. Thank You God for my husband and for entrusting those beautiful souls to our care. I see You in each one of them. Help me to show Your Love to them also. Forgive me for those times, those too frequent times, that I do not show Your Love and let my selfishness and anger block me from receiving You and giving You. I love You. In Your Holy Name I pray, Amen. Our Lady of Mt. Carmel, pray for us.