This morning I was up earlier than normal and read a blog post about a facebook / pinterest meme that I had not seen yet. Jennifer Fulwiler wrote an excellent blog post about how this meme proves that we are living in a culture of death. She also referred to Mindy Goorchenko's also excellent post pointing out "flaws in the analogy." I highly recommend reading both of these posts.
Maybe I should have stayed in bed, or maybe I should not have gone online and prayed instead because that facebook meme is really bothering me. Jennifer and Mindy make very good points of which I am in wholehearted agreement. But that meme really hits home, and I believe that is why it is so insidious. Comparing the "birth of a baby to a horrible form of death" is so insidious because it is a twisting of a beautiful truth. Getting married and having children is a death, but not a horrible form of death that brings destruction. Getting married and having children is a death to self that brings about life. And if you do not know about death that brings life, that brings redemption, you will drown.
"It stuns the conscience," as Jennifer says. It stuns my conscience because it just so happens that right now in my life, I feel like I am drowning. Sometimes drowning just in dishes and laundry and little people needing me at every minute of the day, but also in a deeper way drowning in emotions, and hurts and trying to find healing. Sometimes I go through times where I feel dry and parched, especially in prayer, and this can bring desolation. Other times desolation comes because I feel overwhelmed, like I am drowning. It is in these dark moments where I think how could we possibly handle another child or how could I possibly stay here and be a wife to my husband and a mother to my children. And my fight or flight instinct kicks in and I either run away for a period of time or fight my way to the surface just trying to get a breath. Neither really works. Only surrender does.
The answer is not to stay out of the water. The answer is not to put on a temporary life jacket. The answer is not to take swimming lessons. The real answer is to let go and surrender and let the grief, sadness, hurt, and yes, death, come. Because there is new life that is better than anything we can imagine. Do not be afraid, Christ will rescue you. He will bring you to the surface.
UPDATE: Elizabeth Foss has a fantastic post Overwhelmed by the Everyday that really helps! Surrender to God, listen to Him, and say yes to Him!
This post really hits home. I've been struggling lately because of hurts. I seem to want everything to be happy all the time. I'm really sensitive and easily hurt and tend to want to run away from my crosses. I want God to take away my cross and yet I know if He does, I'll just get a more difficult one (speaking from past experience). Yesterday was a particularly dark day (and night) for me. I finally came to the conclusion that embracing the cross does bring a sense of peace. I just have to keep reminding myself.
ReplyDeleteMonica, I understand. Even after writing this earlier today, I have been running away all day from embracing my cross. Still trying to fight my way out of it or run away instead of surrendering. It is hard to find quiet with all the activity around here to listen, but I am finding myself spending too much time online again, trying to get away. And so my heart is not silent and I can't hear. How is that for a rambling response? :) Prayers for you. The good news is that God's love will continue to grow in our hearts regardless of our weakness. I need to stop and listen and let Him love me.
ReplyDeleteKathryn, thank you for your prayers! I am doing so much better today. I talked to my husband and then I spent time with Jesus at church for a little while and then my oldest godchild called and then I remembered that oh, wait, God Loves ME!
DeleteSo glad to hear that Monica! Thanks for coming by! :)
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