This is Beauty, You O Lord, have ravished my heart

+JMJ+

Tonight as I was praying in the Chapel with Jesus in the tabernacle, beauty is what was on my heart, only it felt heavy, thinking of how beauty is distorted and ignored and discarded and degraded in our world right now.  I had just read Marc Barnes' post, Dappled Things My Dear Readers.  True Beauty elevates our hearts and minds to God and His Glory.

In my facebook newsfeed this afternoon, one right after another was first a picture posted by Endow on the Dignity of Women and Feminine Genius and then another picture from a feminist group whose name I do not even want to type here, shared by a friend.  The contrast was so startling that it jarred me into realizing how the beauty of feminine dignity is so much under attack, even by those who profess to be all about giving voice to women.  It makes me so sad for my sisters that do not know their true dignity as beloved daughters of God.  Another quote that that was on my newsfeed was from Dignitas Magazine:

"True beauty emanates from a woman who boldly and unabashedly knows who she is in Christ."~Jen Smidt

True beauty is shown in these women making their Final Profession of Vows with the Carmelite Sisters of the Most Sacred Heart of Los Angeles.  They sing, "The joy I feel in my soul comes from knowing You."  That is Beauty.

But, I am human, and my heart became heavy once again thinking of how, I, myself, do not feel beautiful.  Right there in quiet, peace, and tranquility, I forgot myself the dignity I have as a daughter of God.  So I began focusing on myself, rather than Christ and the beauty emanating from women who boldly and unabashedly know who they are in Christ. 

I feel spiritually beat up, bruised, tired, worn out, and just plain not beautiful.  It has been a difficult week, and I am probably too hard on myself, but really, being a wife and mother is hard work, and just plain messy.  This is especially true with young children that all have minds of their own along with a mom who is trying to figure it all out herself and often forgets who she is in Christ.  My heart has a long way to go to find healing and I just found myself thinking how can I ever be beautiful, how can spiritually beat up, bruised, tired, worn out ever be beautiful?  I feel more like a worn out wife, and definitely not a bride.  How could that be beautiful?

And then something miraculous happened.  I looked up from the tabernacle to the Crucifix, and then I realized that beat up, bruised, tired, and worn out is Beautiful, but only on the Cross.  I often contemplate the Cross when I come to pray, but I think that there must be some new lighting on the Cross in our Chapel.  It seemed brighter, and even the shadow cast by Christ hanging on the Cross, pouring out His life for me was beautiful.  Beautiful beyond words.  And He poured Himself out like that, took on the ugliness and harshness of the Cross, out of Love for me, to reconcile me to Our Father.  That is true Beauty.

From a poem I wrote a few years ago:

We weep here at His Cross, we cry out in anguish.
He has overcome all by His Love and Mercy.
This is Beauty, You O Lord, have ravished my heart
by Your Love and Mercy. Your Cross has set me free.

Amen.