Enter into Life

I'll be honest with you.  Things are falling apart over here.  Big time.  And after staying up all night with my sick baby, it may not be the best time to make a big decision, or it may be the best time to make this decision.  In the early hours of the morning when I could do nothing but take care of Michael and think without a screen in front of my face, I spent some time pondering about how I spend my time during the day.  In some ways, it seems as though I'm really living out my vocation, but in reality, I am avoiding it every chance I get with needless distractions and a desire to "fit in".  But the problem is that I will never fit in anywhere but the Heart of God.  As St. Augustine says, "Our hearts are restless O Lord, until they rest in You."  He is out there in each one of you and I have had the privilege of meeting some wonderful people online.  For that I am so thankful and trust that God put certain people in my life for a reason.

Yesterday, I read a post at Vultus Christi, where Father Kirby wrote a letter to a novice Oblate (married with children) about how she, as a wife and mother, can enter into the their charism of Adoration and Reparation.  Here is how Father Kirby began his letter:

My dear daughter in Christ,


Praying at Home
Recently, you asked me how you, as wife and mother, with children to look after from morning 'til night seven days a week, can enter into our monastery's charism of adoration and reparation. It will be many years, I think, before you will have the freedom to spend any significant amount of time in adoration before the Tabernacle, or before the Most Blessed Sacrament exposed in the monstrance.


Your Divine Office
Your duty now, and the expression of your love for God, is to be fully present to your family. Your "Divine Office" is to cook, and clean, and change dirty diapers, and run errands, and keep the littlest ones amused, and find time to listen to the older children, and to bandage cuts, and look after bruises, and welcome guests -- and every now and then -- to steal a moment or two alone with your husband. Is this incompatible with your desire as an Oblate of our monastery to offer yourself to Our Lord in adoration, in reparation, and in supplication for the holiness of priests?

... Read more here.

This letter makes me weep in both joy and sadness.  I know God is calling me to enter fully into the life He has given me, and I trust that the relationships which God wants me to nurture are right here around me in my own living room, those with my husband and my children.  God has blessed me with a few really close friends and many acquaintances to encourage me and hopefully in some small ways I can encourage them as well.

This morning in my email inbox was an article from Matthew Warner at Fallible Blogma, "What's Your Idle?"  Well, my idle has been checking email, checking in on social media, reading blogs, writing blog posts and reading political news.  My husband is very generous in giving me the time I need to go to weekly Adoration of Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament, to attend daily Mass at least once or twice a week, and to go out with friends just for some down time.  But it is the daily idle time that has me falling apart.  And, like Matthew, I am going to change what I do with that idle time.  Here is a 40 second prayer that Father Kirby included in his letter to his daughter in Christ:

A 40 Second Prayer
Here is a prayer that I wrote for this purpose. It takes exactly 40 seconds to say. Over time, it can be memorized. Use it to mark the beginning of your hour of adoration and reparation and, then, go about your business, trusting that Our Lord has heard your prayer and received it into His Heart.

Lord Jesus Christ, although I cannot, during this hour, approach Thee physically in the Sacrament of Thy Love, I would approach Thee by desire and by faith.

Transport me, I beseech Thee, by the lifting up of my mind and heart, to that tabernacle in the world where Thou art, at this hour, most forsaken, utterly forgotten, and without human company.

Let the radiance of Thy Eucharistic Face so penetrate my soul that by offering Thee adoration and reparation, even as I am busy doing ordinary things in an ordinary way, I may obtain from Thy Sacred Heart the return of at least one priest to the Tabernacle where Thou waitest for him today. Amen.

I offer all of this to Your Sacred Heart, my Lord and my Love, through the intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, my Mother.